Monday 28 February 2011

Careful Now...



The car seems to be working perfectly well for Mr Blunders. How come it was so unreliable for Basil Fawlty?

Death of a better age


Today marks the 25th anniversary of the assassination of Olof Palme, the Prime Minister of Sweden. He was gunned down in a Stockholm street as he walked home from an evening at the cinema with his wife at his side. She was shot but survived. At the time, it was shocking news. Sweden - indeed, the whole of Scandinavia - had been seen as a bastion of civilised democracy, where its politicians and leaders could walk or cycle freely through the streets of their cities without requiring bodyguards. Ordinary citizens could talk to their leaders in the supermarket. It was an age of innocence - all of which was violently brought to an end by un unknown killer.

Palme as he could often be seen in Stockholm

Palme was not without his enemies - he was outspoken on a number of important issues. He was a fearless critic of the US over Vietnam; of Russia; of Spain's General Franco (who he called 'a damn murderer'); of Chile's General Pinochet and of South Africa's apartheid regime. He was not afraid to criticise the hypocrisy of western leaders and was famously derided by the US for meeting Fidel Castro. The mystery surrounding his death has led some to speculate that he was killed by the CIA.

Palme meets Castro - to the consternation of the US

But Palme was more than just a man of integrity on the world stage. At home, he introduced constitutional changes that swept away the remaining powers of the swedish monarchy, revolutionised the health care system to make it the envy of the world, and was an advocate of gender equality and environmental responsibility long before it was fashionable (he warned of the dangers of fossil fuels).

Memorial to Olof Palme on the Stockholm Street where he was assassinated

With his death, leaders across the world put away their bicycles and the age of innocence was over. No longer would exalted politicians move freely among their people. The barriers went up and they are never likely to come down again. I remember his death and I lament its consequences. The world had become a colder and more frightening place and politicians like Olof Palme are now few and far between. As far as I am concerned, if he upset the likes of Henry Kissinger, then he obviously did something right.

Olof Palme - Died 28 February 1986

Sunday 27 February 2011

World Leaders laud Hague - 'We are not worthy'

Leaders from around the world have heaped praise on the 'New World Leader', William Hague, after he gave Colonel Gadaffi no choice by telling him that he 'must go'. President Obama was first to extol the virtues of Hague as 'The Statesman of our Time', quickly followed by Vladimir Putin, Silvio Burlesconi and even Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

In a joint statement, a number of world leaders have expressed their deep inadequacy in the presence of William Hague and have vowed to wear girls' make-up to detract from their own appearance, in deference to the British Foreign Secretary. The tributes to Hague have continued since he made Gadaffi cry earlier today.

President Obama - " I feel like a big girl's blouse"


Putin - "Hague is my hero"


Gadaffi - "I'm crapping myself"


Imadinnerjacket - "Summer blush is so not my colour."


Burlesconi - "It's Friday! I normally dress like this."

It's all over for Gaddafi now

Gaddafi is as good as gone. All his efforts have finally come to nothing because, as the BBC reported excitedly on their website:



William Hague says Gaddafi 'must go'

Gaddafi has been battling to cling on to power since widespread popular protests broke out across Libya in the last ten days. He has been busy in recent days persuading his generals and tribal leaders to stay on side. But, despite his best efforts, the final curtain is coming down thanks to the intervention of world statesman William Hague.

The Libyan leader believed that violent suppression of his own people and the pledges of support from key players within the Libyan military were enough for him to cling on to power. But in the face of Hague's intervention, his time as president appears to be drawing to a close and Gaddafi now faces going into exile. A source close to Gaddafi's inner circle claimed that he 'wept like a girl' upon reading the headline on the BBC website.

                         Gaddafi fights back the tears on reading Hague's words

The downfall of Gaddafi is yet another victory for the standing of William Hague. Veteran diplomat Henry Kissinger described Hague as a 'colossus' and 'a giant on the world stage who clearly means business'. Jacques Chirac described Hague as a 'churchillian figure' whilst Bill Clinton added that 'Hague scares the crap out of me'. William Hague has credited his political hero, Margaret Thatcher, for making him the man he is today. "Without Margaret at my side in those early years," Hague confessed, "I would have been a pathetic nobody."

                                 Who would call him a 'pathetic nobody' now?

The Science of Scams

I mentioned in my previous post that Derren Brown is 40 today. Derren has built a reputation as a great live performer - dealing with the world of illusion & so-called 'magic'. That reputation has had its up and downs - he has earned great credit by debunking the bogus and exposing scams, whilst he fared less convincingly, I believe, when he performed a rather lame stunt involving predicting the National Lottery numbers.



However, he is behind a website that sets out to debunk some common scams using scientific explanations for apparently supernatural phenomena. For years, the gullible have been taken in by these scams, often parting with their hard-earned cash along the way. The Science of Scams Website features seven common scams including 'ghosts on film', 'Ouija boards', 'telekinesis' & 'psychic readings'. I thoroughly recommend the site - and here to introduce it is birthday boy himself, Derren Brown. Happy Birthday, Derren!


Talent never goes out of fashion, does it Peter?

There are three noteable birthdays today from the world of music. This post is my present to one of them - Peter Andre (38). I say the world of music, but Peter only gets to claim a peripheral association with this particular world. Yes, he's made lots of money and he has shows on TV, but I would like to draw his attention to a great voice and a great musician, who also share his birthday today.

Josh Groban is 30 today. The music he performs is not always my cup of tea - a bit middle of the road for my liking. However, there is little dispute that he does possess a great voice. You will have heard it before, though you may not recognise his name - 'You raise me up' was a big hit for him. Anyway, as an example of his vocal talents (and to show Peter how it is done), here is a fine offering from the man himself...


And, at exactly twice Josh's age - celebrating his 60th birthday today - is a man who could pen a great hit - Steve Harley. I have had the good fortune to see him playing live at the Reading Rock Festival in 1983. There is one particular hit song that he will forever be associated with, and for very good reason. It has sweet harmonies, a gorgeous little guitar solo and a famous melancholic vocal...



So, happy birthday to Josh (30) and Steve (60). See, Peter - that's how it should be done. Now go and get a proper job and stop pretending to be a singer. Not even Derren Brown (who celebrates his 40th birthday today) could convince me to appreciate Peter's output.

Saturday 26 February 2011

Royal Quiz Question

What is the nearest country to the UK that the Queen has not yet visited?

In fact, no british monarch has visited this country in the whole of its existence as a sovereign state. Where is this pariah state? What have they done to deserve such antipathy?



Well, if you are struggling, here are some clues:
  • They speak English
  • They have just had a general election
  • The President of this country is a british citizen
If you haven't guessed, or didn't know, then the answer is Ireland (Eire). It looks like the long-time ruling party, Fianna Fail, have been trounced in yesterday's general election. Fianna Fail ('Soldiers of Destiny') grew out of the opposition to the creation of a partitioned state, and were originally led by Eamon deValera (Alan Rickman in the film 'Michael Collins'). They have been in power for over sixty of the last eighty years.

Their main opposition, Fine Gael ('Tribe of the Irish'), were originally supporters of those who had advocated partition - led by Michael Collins (Liam Neeson in the film). They now look like they will form a coalition government with the Irish Labour Party and they certainly look like they have got a job on their hands. Loans from the IMF and the EU have come with strict conditions and the Irish look set for many years of austerity.

Maybe that's where the Queen comes in. Maybe the Irish need a bit of a distraction at present - a touch of royal soap opera might be just the ticket. However, given the simmering bitterness that some republicans hold for all-things-british, it is unlikely that she will be getting on her bike for a cycling holiday round the Ring of Kerry.


                                                       Ready for trouble...

This first historic visit, scheduled for shortly after the royal wedding, is likely to be confined to Dublin, where security is easier to ensure. It will be interesting to see how the people of Ireland respond - though somehow, I don't expect too many Dubliners out waving union flags in O Connell Street.

Friday 25 February 2011

The most famous man I ever met

Today would have been the 68th birthday of rock legend George Harrison. Sadly, George died ten years ago, robbing the world of a truly wonderful talent. I was delighted to have met him in 1991 - he is, without doubt, the most famous person I have ever met. I am a huge fan of his music and the music of the Beatles, so meeting him was indeed a pleasure.


George was a quiet and modest man. He would never have claimed to have changed the world in any way, but he was part of a band that certainly changed popular music forever. I know that the Beatles are not everyone's cup of tea, but George's own contribution to the band's output was exceptional. He is probably best known for 'While my guitar gently weeps' - though it is not him playing the famous guitar solo in the song (Eric Clapton). My favourite song was 'Something', a slow sweet composition with a haunting guitar solo played perfectly by the man himself.



George was born and lived in a small house in Wavertree, Liverpool. As a student, I too had lived in Wavertree, just a few hundred yards from where the Harrisons had lived. He was the youngest of the Beatles and it took him a while to establish himself in the band as a teenager - but he could play the guitar well and that was good enough for the others.

After the Beatles broke up in 1970, George went on to work as a solo artist and in collaboration with some of the biggest names in rock music. He has left behind quite a legacy and his songs are covered by musicians the world over. A year after he died, a concert was held in his honour which featured the likes of Prince, Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, Jeff Lynne and George's son, Dhani. The clip below is from this concert - a truly brilliant rendition of 'While my guitar gently weeps' - featuring a mind-blowing guitar solo from Prince.


                                               Happy Birthday George!

That voice...

...belonged to Ben Miller, one half of Armstrong & Miller. I don't know how one comes to be chosen as the voice of a monkey, but somehow he managed it. Here he is in a more traditional role - as a driving instructor in a sketch from their show...

Thursday 24 February 2011

Whose voice is that?

One of the ways that actors make a crust is by voicing adverts. It's not always obvious who the voice belongs to, though others are easy to spot. It seems that, at present, half the adverts on TV are voiced by Robert Webb - one half of the brilliant Mitchell & Webb comedy duo. His voice is everywhere at present.

Sometimes you hear a voice and it seems familiar - but you just cannot put a face to it. Humans are great at facial recognition. We are not so good with voices. I had been puzzling recently about 'Monkey' from the PG Tips tea adverts - the glove puppet that appears alongside Johnny Vegas. I know that I know the voice - but I needed to google it to finally solve the mystery. Have a go at working it out for yourself...


I cannot simply post the answer without giving it away, (so the answer is in the comments). However, the actor is a comedian, and not surprisingly is one half of an excellent comedy duo - who just so happens to be celebrating his 45th birthday today (notice the common thread in many of my postings?).

Wednesday 23 February 2011

Royal Wedding Special

I don't know about you, but I just cannot wait for the wedding of William & Kate. This is all the more profound on this (24th Feb), the 30th anniversary of the official announcement of the fairy-tale wedding of Charles & Diana.

                         Charles attempts to strangle Diana - 30 years ago today

Everyone is wishing the young royals all the very best of british luck, just as they had done for Charles & Diana. History records that fairy tales can come true - Charles eventually got to marry the woman he was in love with (Camilla) and Diana gave herself selflessly to royal life by providing DNA untainted by in-bred mental illness. Of course, her untimely death was a tragedy and british subjects mourned her passing as if she was a member of their own family - which she wasn't.

In keeping with the excitement generated by the forthcoming royal wedding, british artist Lydia Leith has produced a souvenir that will prove to be very useful on such a special occasion. She has designed a royal wedding sick-bag - particularly useful if, like me, you get so sick of the non-stop, excessively fawning coverage of the big event that you need to take a 'stomache-break'. I hope that Lydia can keep up with the demand for her product - there are only two months before the wedding and she needs some time to sleep each day.


                     (Small print - 'Throne up - Keep this handy on April 29th 2011')

Now, I know that some will get quite giddy just thinking about the royals and feel that I am missing out by not sharing their enthusiasm. There are those who believe that british life is enhanced by having a royal family. The usual refrain is that 'it's good for tourism'. Well, the French got rid of their royal spongers a couple of centuries ago and they don't seem to have any trouble attracting visitors - not just to Paris, but to attractions with a particularly royal theme, like the Palace of Versailles.

The truth is that, far from enriching british culture, the british obsession with royalty does the complete opposite. Walk through any town in France and you will see streets named after their great and good - Rue Victor Hugo, Rue Alexander Dumas, Rue Louis Pasteur and so on - and their public art celebrates these great and worthy citizens with statues. In Britain, our town centres are littered with statues of undeserving royals. The two most prominent statues in Liverpool, for instance, celebrate Queen Victoria and her feckless layabout son, Edward VII.


Edward VII is hardly a man to celebrate - certainly not in place of the many wonderful scientists, engineers and social reformers that Britain had produced at that time in our history. He spent most of his years, as Prince of Wales, being a drain on the royal purse - gambling, maintaining mistresses and generally living the life of a playboy. And what exactly did he do to earn this life of privilege? Some ancestor, many generations before, won some battle somewhere and he was lucky enough many years later to find himself in line to the throne. We celebrate a lucky, lazy, sponger - and in doing so, we fail to celebrate someone who might actually be worthy of the accolade.

No - british life is impoverished by fawning to these unworthy leeches. And fawning is what we now have to look forward to - especially from the BBC. We live in a country which has been financially broken by the 'elite' and yet it is the ordinary people that are picking up the tab. These very same impoverished people will be told that they should get off their backsides and wave their flags in celebration of a wedding of two of these undeserving elite. And they will. They will not complain about the expense. They will do as they are told - as they always have done - and quietly submit, willingly, to the expensive party that they are not invited to.


So, you can either do your bit as a british citizen subject and wave your flag, or you can do what I intend to do. I will spend the day at somewhere like the Science Museum or the Natural History Museum where I will celebrate individuals who actually deserve some recognition (Brunel, Darwin, Newton etc). And, rest assured, I will have my sick bag with me - just in case I catch a glimpse of the royal wedding coverage. But just to prove that I harbour no ill-feeling towards William & Kate in particular, I send them my best wishes for a long and happy marriage with a rendition of a truly romantic song - reflecting in its very quality, all the honour and respect I hold for the royal family...


What a beast!

I have been reading today about the Honey Badger. This is quite a predator. It eats just about anything and will face up to lions, snakes and swarms of bees in order to come away with a meal. They are simply not scared of anything.


You have to admire a creature that is so fearless. Snake bites, bee stings - they just don't care. They will steal the food from a snake and then come back and kill the snake - and eat it as well. They are truly the Vinnie Jones' of the animal world.

Ghost of the 80s

Today is the 53rd birthday of David Sylvian, front-man of new romantic outfit Japan. Few bands, few singers in fact, captured the sound and style of the eighties better than Sylvian. At the time, I was less than appreciative of the new romantic movement in popular music (where are the guitars?), but I had a friend at university who was heavily into Japan and it was hard to ignore this man's amazing voice.

'Ghosts' is perhaps their most famous single - a slow, evocative number, instrumentally skeletal - a vehicle for the rich and decorous voice of Sylvian. If you are feeling nostalgic for the eighties, then this is the perfect tonic. And if you cannot remember the eighties, then this is an education. Happy birthday, David.

He left the stage just as I was arriving...

Today marks the day in 1965 that Stan Laurel exited stage left (he died). I cannot hide my admiration for the brains behind the greatest comedy duo of all time. Whilst his partner, Oliver Hardy (or 'Babe' as he was widely known to his friends) was off playing golf, Stan was working hard creating the routines that made them famous.



He was english - born in Cumbria but brought up in Bishop Auckland (I once had a Bishop Auckland postal address myself). After a career in silent films, he was teamed up with Oliver Hardy and the pair shot to world fame making films for the Hal Roach Studios. In tribute to him, here is one of Stan's best lines from the excellent 'Way Out West'.

Tuesday 22 February 2011

Shocking! Absolutely Shocking!

Some things in this world are just beyond comprehension. You get told something, you think about it for a while, you shake your head in disbelief, and then you are left with a lingering sense of bewilderment.

Such is the plight of ITV Chairman Sir Michael Grade. "Shocking" is how he described it.

                Sir Michael - In a state of shock (according to the BBC News Website)

What, you may ask, has Sir Michael in such a state of astonishment? What has him so stupefied? Perhaps, on this, the anniversary of the IRA bombing in Aldershot, it may be the fact that there is no memorial to the innocent people who died that day? Or maybe he has heard the news from New Zealand, where so many have died in the devastating earthquake?

Actually, his state of shock is due to the fact that Bruce Forsyth, a multi-millionaire married to a former Miss World, has not yet been given a knighthood. Yes, that's right - he is 'shocked'. Despite earning over £5m last year, Brucie, who gets paid an estimated £25,000 for after-dinner speeches, has only ever been given a CBE. I think that it is time to insist that enough is enough. Don't you just feel for this poor man? Aren't you gutted that he has not yet received the recognition he so richly deserves? Brucie has worked hard for that knighthood. It is his by rights. So what does Brucie make of his efforts over the years that have helped amass such a fortune? He told the Radio Times...

"You can do a series in two weeks. Then take as much time off as you like. Money for old rope. People don't understand I can be the laziest person in the world. In Puerto Rico I eat well, and lounge in the shade on the beach reading lots of books, mostly courtroom dramas."

                              Brucie's Mansion at Wentworth - just not enough

I think a petition is called for. Some people deserve more and, let's face it, a CBE, many millions of pounds, and a house the size of Bracknell are simply not enough. Do the decent thing, Cameron. Give Brucie a knighthood now. Shocking!

Update

Brucie consoled after shocking revelations

Bruce Forsyth has been at his luxury mansion today being consoled by friends after the shocking news was revealed by philanthropist Michael Grade. A photo just released shows him being helped to walk - the burden of living without a knighthood has taken its toll, a source close to Brucie revealed.

                                                 In need of consolation

It has also been revealed by a family friend that Brucie, 83, has been refused a home help by Berkshire Social Services. Brucie had asked for the help as he was having difficulty carrying his money around from room to room in his luxury mansion. A file presented to the council, and leaked to journalists at the Berkshire Bugle, included photographs of Brucie struggling to carry wads of money back from one of his latest 'money for old rope' quiz shows. Berkshire Social Services have refused to comment.

Struggling

New Zealand Earthquake

We often hear about earthquakes and other natural disasters in parts of the world that have little or no connection to us. However, on this occasion, an earthquake has hit Christchurch in New Zealand. Brother Tom lives in New Zealand, so it makes one sit up and listen that little bit more intently. Fortunately, he is miles away on North Island. Still, it makes you think. UK citizens often choose NZ as a destination for emigration because it is seen as a safe environment in which to raise a family. I doubt many people think too deeply about the fact that NZ owes it very existence to its position on the edge of a major tectonic plate. It is the product of massive volcanic/tectonic activity, so these sort of disasters come with the territory. My thoughts are with those that have lost loved ones.


Monday 21 February 2011

Recipe Request

Well, what a response! That last post about my lunch has left me deluged for more ideas for stunning meals. In particular, people are asking for breakfast ideas - something that is often over-looked by the current generation of TV chefs. So, in response to the demand, here is my recipe for a truly fantastic transatlantic breakfast.

Flocons de Maïs Grillé avec du Lait Froid et du Sucre Granule

                      For illustrative purposes only - actual dish may look different

Ingredients:

45g           Flocons de mais grille (Try the convenient 500g cartons by Kelloggs)
150ml       Fresh cow's milk (Can be skimmed, semi-skimmed or full cream)
5g             Medium granulated white sugar

Method:

The flocons de mais should be arranged attractively in a bowl, drawing upon your imagination and artistic flourish. The milk should be shaken gently to mix the cream content evenly, and poured onto the flocons. A gentle sprinkling of the granulated sugar provides a dashing flourish to the whole dish, though this is optional. The dish should be served immediately. For those with a more adventurous side, you can add milk warmed gently in a saucepan, or the whole thing can be whacked into a microwave for 1 minute. The dish is traditionally eaten in your pyjamas whilst watching early morning TV.

Preparation time - 30 seconds
Cooking time - 10 seconds

If this proves popular, I am happy to provide other recipes that I enjoy on a regular basis, including:

Haricots en Sauce Tomates sur des Tranches de Pain Grille
Nouilles en Pot (Curry, Chicken & Mushroom etc)
Poulet au Curry de Vesta

I just have to tell you...

...that I have just enjoyed the most delicious piece of smoked mackerel ever. It wasn't the really fresh-fresh sort - straight out of a smoking shed in Arbroath or anything like that. But, it was still the 'fresh' vacuum packed fish from Sainsbury's and it just melted in the mouth. Mmm mmm!


I simply had the mackerel with two chunky slices of seeded wholemeal bread. As meals go, it's hardly Gordon Ramsey, but what a taste. If you do nothing else today, get yourself down to anywhere that sells smoked mackerel and get stuck in (pay for it first - not doing so can cause a scene and may lead to arrest).

Happy Birthday, Sideshow Bob

Or at least, Happy Birthday Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey provides the voice of my favourite Simpson's character, Sideshow Bob, and what a very fine voice it is too. It is one of the things I really admire in a person. Yes, in terms of physical attributes, looks are important but you cannot beat a good voice. I'm thinking of the likes of Richard Burton, Jack Hawkins & Charles Gray - fantastic voices, all of them.


Kelsey Grammer not only has a very fine speaking voice, but he also has an excellent singing voice, which he has used to great effect on the Simpsons. In fact, they never seem to miss an opportunity to get him singing. This was at its finest in the Cape Feare episode (probably my favourite) when he ends up having to sing the whole of HMS Pinafore as a last request from Bart. Enjoy the clip below - an extract of his singing on that episode, put to images of the real Kelsey (56 years old today). Happy Birthday Kelsey!


Sunday 20 February 2011

Clocks may move forward and stay there - at last!

I really don't know why this idea has been resisted by politicians for so long. But there does appear to be light at the end of the tunnel (at least later in the day - not so much in the mornings). Finally, it has been acknowledged that on so many levels, we would be better off leaving GMT behind for good. Everyone I know that has ever expressed a view on this subject loves the idea. Apparently, some Scots aren't so keen - the moaning ones - who claim that it might lead to more accidents in the mornings. When you only get 35 minutes of light in midwinter anyway, why does it matter when you have your brief glimpse of the sun?

                                                Less Moaning Required

Personally, I cannot wait. The idea that, in mid summer, it gets dark so much earlier than it needs to and that it gets light at some ridiculously early time of morning (when we are all tucked up in bed) is barmy. And last time I looked, I didn't see that many scottish people around - at least, not here in Reading. Where are all these moaning scots anyway? If they don't like the idea, maybe they should go back to Scotland. Problem solved!
                                               
                                            Albert Einstein - Not Scottish

My birthday present for Gordon Brown - 60 today!

Gordon Brown was lauded for his great management of the UK economy. He is a conviction politician - he doesn't make reckless statements and he would never tell a great, fat, easily checkable lie to the british people. To mark his 60th birthday, I would like to send this clip to Gordon as a measure of my gratitude for all that he has done for the country.

Some adjustments made

The time stamp has been adjusted so that it makes sense. It had previously been set to Pacific Coast Time rather than GMT. Also, the commenting procedure is easier - no need to sign in. So easy, even he could post successfully... Mission Accomplished!

Saturday 19 February 2011

A Master-Class in Embarrassment

When it comes to evoking skin-crawling embarrassment, few can hold a candle to Mike Leigh. Mike happens to be celebrating his 68th birthday today (20th February). Happy birthday to you and very many thanks for all your most fantastic creations.

We have to thank a man who gave us Keith (Roger Sloman) and Candice-Marie (Alison Steadman) in the truly brilliant Nuts in May. The first time I came across this masterpiece was whilst I was preparing to go to the pub at Christmas (1993), when staying with Mum and Dad in Ballycastle. Have you ever seen something on television so compelling that you forget about what you are doing and sit transfixed, not quite believing what you are watching? That sort of TV is rare. Mike Leigh is the genius who can do that.

Nuts in May follows an excrutiating 'right-on' couple (social workers I think) whose idea of fun is fresh air, long walks, camping, sing-songs, communing with nature and all the new age flibber flabber that goes with it. The couple have more of a child-parent relationship, with self-righteous Keith domineering his unfortunate wife. Their encounter with Ray, a student teacher, is just painful to watch - and yet you must. You have no choice. You have to witness the point at which their very different universe's meet, and cringe with embarrassment at the result. For that, and for so much more, we thank you Mike Leigh. Happy birthday!


Kelly Groucutt Anniversary

The first album I ever bought was ELO's Out of the Blue. That was also in the year that the space shuttle had its first flight (see previous post). Unlike the space shuttle, my Out of the Blue has never gone into retirement.



I have owned it on vinyl (bright blue), cassette, CD, and now Spotify, and I dare not even think how many times I have played it. It is one of the most reliable companions I have ever had in my life. It has always been with me wherever I have gone, has never aged, has never disappointed and has always been uplifting. I was very sad when I learned of the death of Kelly Groucutt, ELO's influential bass guitarist and backing singer, two years ago today. He was a big part of their sound and took centre stage in the unofficial ELO that followed the band's split from Jeff Lynne some years back.


In recent years, Kelly popped up on our screens in the most unexpected of places. He appeared on Can't Cook, Won't Cook battling it out with former ELO & Wizzard vocalist Roy Wood (I wish it could be Christmas Every Day) and was even in the line up on Never Mind the Buzzcocks (without his trademark curly locks - he went bald). Personally, I will always appreciate his fantastic bass work on songs like So Fine, from the album A New World Record - a full-on, up-beat, happy, funky, musical delight. I defy you not to love the bass guitar on this. If you do, then you are deaf or mad or stupid - or very likely, all three.

Everyone is stupid

Well, at least the ones who appear on most game shows are. I watched a big money game show on Channel 4 tonight (whilst waiting for the half decent news/comedy show that follows) and was simply amazed at the utter stupidity of the contestants. All of them. How do you get to be middle-aged in this country and not know some of the stuff that left these bozos stumped? Nearly all could answer questions about Kylie Minogue or Lady Gaga but throw in anything about politics or history and they are left staring blankly and dribbling.


One pair of contestants tonight thought that Bob Geldof was celebrating his 78th birthday today. The sensible alternative they had was Yoko Ono. But, oh no, it was a 'no-no' for Ono. They thought that it was more likely that Sir Bob had been collecting his pension for the last 13 years. Still, it could have been worse. They could have been like this american college student appearing on the US version of 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'. When the $100 give-away question leaves you stumped, perhaps you are wasting your money going to college in the first place. Then again, maybe they don't have electricity in Tennessee yet... or education.


Friday 18 February 2011

You know you're getting old when...

...the future sits idly in the past.

To be precise, I mean the future as we once saw it. Take the space shuttle. I remember a time - it feels just like a few years ago - that I was watching the first test flight of the space shuttle. I don't mean it's first space flight. No! That was still a few years away. I mean when space shuttle Enterprise was loaded onto the back of a jumbo jet and flown around for a bit.



At that time, I was impatiently moaning to myself that I couldn't wait for this thing to actually get up into space. I mean, how exciting would that be? A big plane zooming up into space and then coming back to land again, refuelling, before taking off and doing another round trip to Venus or wherever. Fantastic. Holidays would never be the same again. Forget Newquay. Hello the moon and the stars.

That test flight was 34 years ago today. Yes - 34 years. And what has happened in that time? The whole space shuttle programme has come and gone (losing two of them on the way) and it is now going into retirement. The future arrived, did some stuff and then went away again. No holidays in space. Nothing. Even poor old Enterprise never made it into space. It had been named after the original Star Trek series which itself came back to life, had four spin-off series (Next generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager & Enterprise), a host of feature films (at least ten) and now even all of those have run their course. Why does the future have to run out like that?


                       Spock, Bones, Chekov and other trekkies with Enterprise

Anyway, here is a clip of that famous jumbo/Enterprise combo taking off - sadly not the exciting test flight from 18 February 1977 (I couldn't find a clip of that). It is still pretty impressive though and so very graceful - Enterprise, complete with a big ice-cream plug over its engines, strapped to the back of the jumbo. And like any ice cream, you never want it to end.

Thursday 17 February 2011

Think Bike

Once you have learnt to ride a bike, the next trick is to negotiate the traffic. I have been out today on a combination of busy roads and cycle paths and it really can be a bit scary at times. The most bizarre traffic solution I came across was the combined bus and cycle lanes in the centre of town. Who seriously thinks that that is a good idea?

Buses either had to crawl along behind me or overtake me. One is a useless scenario for the bus and its passengers and the other is a useless and scary scenario for the cyclist. Buses, by their nature, are not the nippiest of vehicles and once they have squeezed past you they invariably pull up and stop. Fantastic!

Most cycle lanes are combi lanes - designed to be used by walkers and cyclists at the same time. The signs and road markings designating where the combi lanes start and end are usually faded or missing, so you run the gauntlet of picking up a fine for cycling on a pavement without realising that you are doing it. In an age when we should be thinking green and encouraging cycling, many councils are just not making the effort.

All of which reminds me of the public information campaign from some years back starring everybody's favourite chin - Jimmy Hill. Our Jim obviously thinks he's covering a football match. First we see the action, then the replays and finally the post match analysis. Final score - Driver 1, Cyclist 0. I know that it chiefly concerns itself with motorcycles, but it works for us cyclists too. Come on councils, drivers and pedestrians - listen to our Jimmy and 'Think Bike!'

Wednesday 16 February 2011

And whilst I'm on the subject of birthdays...

It so happens that today (17 Feb) is the 58th birthday of Norman Pace, one half of the comedy duo Hale & Pace (both of whom were former teachers). Not many people know that he also appeared in three episodes of The Young Ones, playing different parts in each. As well as the comedy, he has done some straight acting and he also happens to be a champion poker player. Although some of their comedy could be a bit risque, here is a great SFW sketch having a go at Yorkshire. Well, who wouldn't?

Balkan Train Crash

Kosovo celebrates its third year of independence today (17 Feb). Happy Birthday Kosovo. It is one of those Balkan states that was once part of the old Yugoslavia, along with Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, Macedonia, Bosnia & Montenegro. The balkan states have had a troubled history and their coming together and their eventual separation have been described as a train crash. (Do you see what I have done there? Was that a clever segue or just a flimsy excuse to show an amazing video - you decide)

So, to celebrate Kosovo's third birthday, here is a train crash from another balkan state - Croatia. Now, when a train crashes in Croatia, they send in the rescue teams and, of course, they send along a service vehicle to assist in the operation. And boy, do they send that service vehicle in with some gusto.

The video shows the aftermath of the train crash and the rather urgent arrival of the service vehicle. Hang on to your hats!

The sun is shining...

So it's time for an uplifting funky west coast sound - that currently features on an advert. Four guitars, two sets of drums and the sweetest, funkiest, most cheerful music you could ever wish to hear...

Happy Birthday, Valentino


I see that Moto GP legend, Valentino Rossi, is 32 today. Happy birthday to him. I know that 'Brother Brian' of the sacred order of Moto GP is a big fan and rates him with the very best that have ever taken to the track in such a mental sport. Brian has even visited the sacred order's shrine, the track at Mugello, to witness the Italian Moto GP. Rossi suffered his first ever crash last year and sustained a broken leg. BBC Report and video here.

Of course, nobody ever gets to that standard without starting out at the very bottom when you are very young. I remember how difficult it was just to learn how to ride a bike. Thank goodness we have this instructive video from Simon Pegg - which demonstrates that even something as simple as learning to ride a bike can be dangerous at times.

Tuesday 15 February 2011

Was that really 8 years ago today?

15th February 2003 - I was there. The biggest mass protest in british history. And did they listen? Blair prances around the world as a peace envoy these days. Nice one! Blair is to peace as Ian Paisley is to whispering. Mind you, it looks as though Burlesconi is going to have time in the near future to take up a UN role. I wonder what he will take?

Tell me that again

The trouble with talking to yourself is that you sometimes come up with a brilliant idea, but when you try to remember it later, you find that you are all in a muddle. I woke up this morning with several great ideas - a cure for the country's financial problems, a fantastic method for extracting an endless supply of energy from chicken dung and a quite brilliant idea to end the middle east conflict.

I enjoyed some breakfast and then settled down with a pen and paper to write the ideas down. Would you believe it - when I tried to remember them, my mind was a blank. So, I challenged myself to 'tell me that again'. The video below explains why this doesn't always work...

...you made me forget myself...

It is tipping down with rain outside - another triumph for the weather forecasters who were predicting dry weather just a couple of days ago. So, I have to resort to the best tonic for such an occasion...

Whatever...

I talk to myself all the time. As I walk around my flat, walking into town, whilst sitting on a train. Sometimes, it is the only intelligent conversation I get throughout the day. I say intelligent, but the nature of this monologue (or should that be dialogue?) is strictly banal. Obviously. There are never any surprises - how could there be? I know what I'm going to say before I say it.

So that's where the blog comes in. This is my conversation with myself - written down. Sometimes it is very boring. Sorry! Often it will be where I am instructing myself - as if some part of me was unaware just how wonderful something is and I am telling my 'other self' all about it. My other self will  listen with enthusiasm, until it has heard enough. And then it will simply shrug.

"Whatever!"