Hague takes 'Nuclear Option' on Syria

Foreign Secretary, William Hague, has lived up to his hard-man reputation by imposing the strictest penalty possible against the Syrian regime, in response to the continuing violence in Damascus. Hague, in discussion with other departments of state, has gone for the 'nuclear option' and withdrawn the invitation of the Syrian Ambassador to the royal wedding. "No one messes with the Hague", laughed a spokesman.

Hague - 'The Nuclear Option'

"I bet President Assad must be feeling pretty stupid right now", a beaming Hague announced, adding "they will certainly think twice before they decide to quell civil unrest in that fashion again." Insiders in the Syrian Embassy have talked of the shock that has greeted the news. "The Ambassador had already hired his suit from Moss Bros and had spent most of yesterday ironing his shirt and polishing his shoes. The poor man is devastated. It will take weeks for him to get over this".

Syrian Ambassador - Inconsolable

Buckingham Palace announced the news on the Royal Wedding website, stating that they had reluctantly agreed to go along with it. "There will be a Syria-shaped hole in the pews at Westminster Abbey", claimed Palace spokesman Tarquin Bumbleberry. "We pray that this does not mar the occasion too much for the the happy couple, who had been looking forward to spending their special day with Dr Sami Khiyami. The young royals have now been informed and Catherine is being consoled by close friends and relatives."
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Kate - Dark glasses hide tear-soaked eyes

Criticism of the move has come from an unexpected source - the British Ambassador in Damascus. Tristram Smedley-Smythe is concerned that there may be a violent backlash against the decision. "The trouble with the nuclear option is that both sides can play the same game. Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) has ensured that governments refrain from using the ultimate option. Who knows if Assad will choose to push his button." Ambassador Smedley-Smythe had been expecting to attend the wedding of Bashir Assad, nephew of the President early in June. "It could be the end of the line - we will just have to wait and see", he added, wiping tears from his cheeks. "I know MAD when I see it and this is certainly becoming a MAD situation."