And how many tattoos do you have?

The flat above me has become vacant. The nice, quiet couple who lived there have moved on and now I face the prospect of having someone new, unknown and potentially noisy move in. It has started me thinking. What can I do to effect an outcome that works for me?

I know that this is normally the prerogative of the landlord. Normally. And I suppose that it somewhat depends on whether the prospective tenants actually like the place and want to move in. Or dislike it. Of course, who does move in eventually will have an impact on my life to some degree. Maybe I should consider exactly how I can 'influence' the outcome so that all parties are happy.

I mean - think about it. Right now I can play my music a bit louder than normal. I cannot hear anyone stomping around upstairs. No doors, no stairs, washing machines, TVs or music systems breaking in upon my peace. But that will change and not every prospective tenant will share my enthusiasm for their low-impact existence. The possibilities are nearly endless and the permutations & combinations will need some careful thought.

I suppose that I will just have to make as quick an assessment as I can when any prospective tenants turn up for a viewing. Do they look noisy? How heavy are they and do they look like 'stompers'? Are they the sort who will have lots of friends calling at all hours, hanging around on the doorstep, smoking - or worse still - selling drugs? Or new-born kittens? Or dealing in scrap metal? How do you tell anyway? Is it too rude to go out and ask them - say, give them a questionnaire to fill in, or check them for tattoos or whatever?

"Hi! We're your new neighbours"

And if they seem 'undesirable', how can I engineer the outcome to my advantage? Do I play my music extra loud during the viewing? Or will they then just think that loud music is acceptable? Do I casually 'meet' them in the hallway and share my enthusiasm for Mormonism or flash a copy of The Watchtower at them? That could work - but what if they turn out to be Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses themselves? That tactic could backfire big time.

Powerful weapon - or a trap

Maybe, I will just have to leave it to luck. And besides, who's to know that they won't find me objectionable. I know - unlikely isn't it? But it could happen. Whoever they turn out to be, I am sure that we will all get along just swell. I imagine that I will get to enjoy the next couple of weeks in relative peace and then a van will turn up and the new person or persons will be revealed. You never know, I could be lucky. I still have all that scrap iron I am trying to shift.